CHRISTIAN VIEW OF MARRIAGE -BY.LOLI.A

 THE TABLE OF CONTENT

INTRODUCTION

BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES of MARRIAGE

MAN NEEDS A WIFE

MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN, INITIATED BY THE EXCHANGE OF VOWS:

THE HUSBAND IS THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE AND RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MARRIAGE

 THE HUSBAND IS COMMANDED BY GOD TO LOVE HIS WIFE

THE WIFE IS COMMANDED BY GOD TO RESPECT HER HUSBAND

THE HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE JOINT HEIRS TO LIFE       

A WIFE IS GOD’S GRACE TO THE HUSBAND

THE WIFE IS THE MOST POWERFUL INFLUENCE OVER HER HUSBAND

MARRIAGE IS A SEXUALLY INTIMATE AND PASSIONATE RELATIONSHIP;

MARRIAGE IS THE MYSTERY OF THE MESSIAH’S RELATIONSHIP WITH US;

WHAT OUR HEAVENLY FATHER TEACHES US ABOUT MARRIAGE:

CONCLUSION

BIBLIOGRAPHY

  

INTRODUCTION

This research will deal with the reasons our marriages work and sometimes do not work. We'll have a frank and honest discussion about marriage from a Biblical standpoint. The reader might want to forgive me now for what I am about to write. It may address issues in your own marriage relationship. My hope is that this research will stimulate discussion with your spouse and be an encouragement to you.

There is no diploma or certification that qualified us to be married. However, of all the choices we make in our life time, the selection of our spouse and decisions we make on how to be a husband or wife, are the most profound and have the most far-reaching implications. Children (other people) will come from those decisions and the process continues from generation to generation. In fact, we exist today because of decisions made by our parents. This brings me to my initial point about the subject of marriage. Our parents have had a profound impact on us with regard to marriage. It was our parents that served as our primary teachers in preparing us for marriage. Just like any training course, the quality of that training has a direct impact on the success or failure of the endeavor.. But parents are not the only resource to prepare us for marriage. The Bible has a lot to say about marriage. In fact, the very institution of marriage originates from the Bible. Parents and basic Biblical instruction about marriage are our primary sources of reference for marriage. Since our parents are our primary examples, have you considered what our parents in the Bible teach us about marriage? Which parents am I referring to? Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebekah, and Jacob and his wives, Leah and Rachel, have a lot to teach us about marriage! 

BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES of MARRIAGE

  How we approach marriage, more importantly, how we fulfill it, is extremely important to our own welfare and homes. It will either yield great joy and fulfillment or heartache and disappointment. The Biblical principles we will review are general in statement. Depending on one's station in life, there can be exceptions. Some people remain single and never marry. Therefore, these Biblical principles serve as a base definition for the subject of marriage.

Man needs a Wife:And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. – Genesis 2: 18
It has clearly been proven that men live longer and are healthier as a result of marriage. Companionship is a key component to marriage. To have the same companion from youth to old age is true friendship and love. The word “helper” is really “help meet.” A “help meet” is much more than a mere helper. “Help meet” means companion; it means she is there until the job is finished. Help meet also has a strong spiritual tone. After a search, one realizes that a wife is far more valuable than all of the possible wealth in the world. “One who found a wife has found goodness” - Mishlei “I find more bitter than death a woman” - Koheles (Ecclesiastes)7:26 (Proverbs)18:22. The Bible says that an excellent wife is more rare than jewels. Husbands may not be experts about precious gems, but they can discern a wife more rare than jewel He knows what trusting in her means and how he will be safe with her the rest of his life.[1]

Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, initiated by the exchange of vows: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. -- Genesis 2: 24
Marriage is not a partnership or a contract; it is considerably more than that. Marriage is a covenant. Partnerships and contracts are agreements of “consideration given for consideration received. A covenant is not made primarily to gain value nor to exchange one thing for another. It is not maintained by both parties meeting their obligations; it is a reality of giving ones self regardless of the return value. A covenant is of undetermined length. It is forever or until it can no longer be done, “Until death do us part.” This covenant causes names to change. This covenant changes the place called “home.” A marriage covenant establishes a preference in relationship greater than parent and child. A marriage covenant creates a new reality that the whole of creation accepts, including the Creator.

The Husband is the head of the house and responsible for the marriage; Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shall bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over there. -- Genesis 3: 16 True mature leaders know that the authority to rule comes after full responsibility has been accepted. True authority is given by those who are under the rule. Demanding authority over another or exercising that authority to prove its existence is a leader on the path to failure. A wife's desire for her husband will naturally result in her giving him authority over her, because she believes he has taken full responsibility for her. During the courtship phase of a marriage relationship, the man pursues his prospective wife. It's a little like a game.[2] Actually, he chases her until he gets caught! What was done in courtship should not end at the wedding. The marriage should continue with the man initiating and the woman completing. Should correction be needed or should something need to be started it is the husband's responsibility and duty to start the actions. The husband lets his wife know that she can make a mistake and not be blamed or made to be guilty. Her desire is for her husband to have rule over her and to bring about solutions.

 The Husband is commanded by God to love his wife:  Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it ……………but I speak concerning Christ and the church.-- Ephesians 5: 25-32. Love in a marriage seems as natural as breathing for the wife. But for the husband, love in the marriage is a determined act of his will. Yes, love is an emotion; yet, for many men in the earlier years of the relationship, it is the “love of the chase.” This is why some men never grow up and keep chasing other women after being married. God's command for a man to love his wife is more than an emotion, a feeling, or a game. It is a determined act whereby he must direct his energies for the specific purpose to provide for, to protect, and to be passionate toward his wife. Fundamentally, the number one need of a wife in a marriage is love. The husband is commanded to meet this need. By loving his wife, he provides her a home, the resources to live, and a safe and secure place for her and the children. By loving her emotionally, he assures and comforts her, shielding her from fear and harm. By loving her physically, he proves that his attentions and focus are on her and she is secure in his desires. [3]The commandment to love his wife means that the husband is to commit his energy, resources, creativity, and attention, and to focus on his wife. It is more than just provision and protection. Loving a wife means preferring her above ALL others.

The Wife is commanded by God to respect her husband:  Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. -- Ephesians 5: 22-24. Too often, Biblical teachers have equated “be subject” with “obey.” As a consequence, opposition has grown in the American culture to the extent that many women refuse to say “love, honor, and obey” in the traditional wedding vows. It is really a huge mistake. The word “obey” is not the proper emphasis for “being subject to” or “submission” as translated in the commandment.
This is why God commands wives to respect their husbands. Wives must make a determined decision to accomplish this. It takes energy and a clear will to do so. Instead of holding your husband to an artificial standard of respect (he does everything I want him to do), a wife should come to know her husband for the true goodness that is in him. This is how men learn every day at their jobs. A wife who believes she needs to teach her husband by correcting him only succeeds in embarrassing him. When a wife disrespects her husband with critical words, treats him with disdain, and holds him in contempt, she destroys her primary source of provision and protection from God. She also breaks Gods commandment to respect him. When a wife learns how to respect (be subject to, submit, and obey) her husband, he'll treat her like a thoroughbred, instead of a nag.[4]

The Husband and Wife are joint heirs to life: And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. -- Genesis 2:22. To have children, it requires a man and woman joining together to procreate. A man cannot do it alone nor can a woman do it alone. They jointly form the product of each new child. Woman was not made from the dust of the earth like man; therefore, she should not be treated as dirt. Woman did not fly down from heaven; therefore, she should not be over anyone's head. She was taken from her husband's side; therefore, her rightful place is at his side. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. -- Psalms 128: 3.
To be a joint heir means to share in the same heritage and inheritance. Husbands and wives come from different houses, but when they are joined together, they are part of the same house with the same Heavenly Father. When the woman was taken out of the man (the rib), it indicated that they were together when man was first created. Marriage is reuniting the man and woman together as they were in the beginning. This is marriage based on spiritual understandings. There is a fundamental difference between a secular and spiritual marriage. A secular marriage is a shared proposition. It's a mutually agreeable contract. Sometimes, these marriages stay together simply because they don't have any other choice.  The spiritual point of view for marriage is one that embraces the author of marriage. It is one where both the husband and the wife are under the authority of God. But the bottom line is this: a spiritual marriage is where the husband and wife know they were destined for each other. They also share in the same problems and joys of life. They make their “choice” for each other believing it is God's will.[5]

A Wife is God’s grace to the Husband; Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtained favor of the LORD. -- Proverbs 18: 22. The favor mentioned here is unmerited favor or grace from God. That means that men don't deserve all the good they receive from their wives. This is simply a truth that wise men come to learn. Even more so, when a wife truly understands that she was presented by the Lord for her husband, she develops wisdom. House and riches are the inheritance of fathers and a prudent wife is from the LORD. -- Proverbs 19: 14. The most important and vital things of life come from the Lord. When a man finally becomes smart enough to actually stop and smell the roses, he will do so after getting a dozen of them for his wife. The more times he stops to smell the roses, the smarter he will get.

The Wife is the most powerful influence over her Husband; And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. -- Genesis 3: 12Adam was more persuaded to seek the pleasure of his wife than to seek the pleasure of God. A Godly man must learn quickly how powerful his wife is over him with her charms and tears. A Godly wife must learn quickly not to misuse and harm her husband in trying to get what she wants. Some wives think that the best way to “help” the captain is by grabbing the ships wheel and setting the course they want. This is really mutiny and results in the ship going in circles. My counsel is in line with my word picture. If the wife really wants to have the ship sail a particular way, then give him a favorable breeze in that direction. He'll sail that way and will look for breezes that ultimately lead him to his destination, too. The greatest joy that a captain can feel is to be one with the wind; in this instance his wife.

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. -- Proverbs 12:4. The greatest harm that can be done to any man is done by his wife.[6] Men can insult men over and over; it just makes them mad and they get “tougher.” When a wife shames her husband, she skewers his heart and vital organs. The barbeque is not pretty.

Marriage is a sexually intimate and passionate relationship; And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. -- Genesis 2:25.
Before we address this Biblical truth about marriage, some spouses avoid this topic altogether and do not discuss intimacy and passion with anyone (including their spouses). With all due respect to everyone's privacy, please skip to the next section if this topic offends you.

You cannot separate sex from love in a marriage. The argument by an adulterous spouse that it was just sex (lust), but “I really love you” is a totally flawed argument. It simply is not true. Sex and love in marriage are inseparable.

Marriage is the mystery of the Messiah’s relationship with us; This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. -- Ephesians 5: 32.
There have been a world full of poets and philosophers explaining love and marriage to us. But this mystery described in the Bible far surpasses them all. If you will ask any married person why they put up with their spouses’ mistakes and quirks, they will give the same answer regardless of gender. “Because, I love him (her).” It is because love covers a multitude of sins. This is the same simple answer for why God continues to deal with us. He loves us, and His love covers the multitude of our sins.[7]

What Our Heavenly Father Teaches Us about Marriage: The Bible has much to say about marriage and our parents are responsible for most of our teaching to be good husbands and wives. However, there is one last lesson about marriage that is taught by our Heavenly Father. It is the most profound of them all.
The best thing we can do to improve our marriages or to better prepare for marriage is to develop the ability to understand our spouse. We need to dwell with understanding.
Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman -- Proverbs 7: 4. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. -- Proverbs 9: 10Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established -- Proverbs 24:3 Being wise and knowledgeable are good things but developing the ability to understand, especially to understand your spouse, is consistent with being intimate, knowing God, and having a well established house called a home. The best thing we can do to improve our marriages or to better prepare for marriage is to develop the ability to understand our spouse. We need to dwell with understanding. Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman -- Proverbs 7: 4. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding. -- Proverbs 9: 10. Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established -- Proverbs 24:3. Being wise and knowledgeable are good things but developing the ability to understand, especially to understand your spouse, is consistent with being intimate, knowing God, and having a well established house called a home.

The best thing we can do to improve our marriages or to better prepare for marriage is to develop the ability to understand our spouse. We need to dwell with understanding. Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman -- Proverbs 7: 4.[8]

CONCLUSION

Marriage is not unique to our times. It just seems that they receive more attention because they are often stormy and as often as not wind up in the divorce court. A National magazine recently state that fully fifty percent of marriage in divorce.

Marriage is a very serious matter. It was intended as a once in a life time thing. In the beginning God created man and women. He performed the first wedding and made no provision for Adam and Eve to get a divorce where adultery had already broken the marriage. But the current trend of trail marriage and trade for a new model every year is a far cry from the Holy union of a man and women into one life that God began in the Garden of Eden.

The main purpose of marriage is not to meet our physical needs but to glorify God and to praise Him. To fulfil God plan and purpose, there are different role in the family. Father, mother, and children play different responsibility. Therefore everyone should take initiative parts to run the family smoothly.

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[1] Dr.Dobson, Answer Your Questions About Marriage and Sexuality, (Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers Inc, 1982), Pp.,36-37.

[2] Elisa Morgan and Carol Kuykendall, When Husbeand and Wife Become Mom and Dad, (Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1999), p., 101.

[3] John Allen Lavender, Marriage at Its , (USA: Colorado Accent Publications, inc, 1973), p.,138

[4] Tim Lahaye, How to be Happy Through Married, (England: Tyndale House Publisher, 1977), p., 25-30

[5] Darrian B. Cooper, You can be the Wife of A Happy Husband, (Wheaton: division of SP Publishing inc, 1974), p., 20

[6] Dr. James Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husband about Women,(Florida: Jackson Vile, Live, Oak Christian Center, 1973), Pp.,59-72

[7] O.E Feucht,  Family Relationships and Church, (Chicago: Concordia Publisher House, 1970), Pp., 25-40.

[8] El Worthington Jr., Christian Marital Counseling, (Secunderabad: OM Book Andrapradesh, 2005), Pp., 39-50