CHAPTER
I
God designed a
wonderful relationship between man and woman in marriage. Each year several million hopeful couples
pledge themselves in holy wedlock, vowing to love each other for better or for
worse but about half of them end up in divorce.
This problem contributes too many things and is contributed by many
things. Even the marriages that do hang
together today are characterized by adultery, unfaithfulness, lying, cheating,
loss of respect, loss of trust, pride, self-centredness, materialism, laziness,
loneliness etc. The most needful
relationship is the one that occurs between a man and a woman in marriage yet,
the fulfilment of it’s so elusive.
Having a meaning, lasting relationship in marriage, that gets better,
richer, and more fulfilling is very rare.
In fact, whenever marriage is portrayed, it is usually portrayed as a
fighting, unfaithful, discounted bitter relationship ending in separation or
divorce. Why is not marriage the way God
designed it? What went wrong? There are reasons enough behind this. Scripture clearly gives the factors that make
marriage so difficult and a failure.
Deceived by the Tempter
In the third
chapter of Genesis appears a sinister being whose actions and intentions
dramatically oppose those of creator God.
From the beginning Satan’s entire purpose has been to deceive and
destroy. He used the first married
couple to introduce sin into the world, and the marriage relationship has not
been the same since.
Doubt on God’s Word
The old serpent
posed the first question in Genesis 3:1, focusing on what Adam and Even could
not do instead of all that God has done for them.[1] The focus was on prohibition instead of all
the good things God had provided. Eve stated
that they could not eat the fruit or even touch it because God said they would
surely die (Gen. 3:3). The serpent
retorted that they will not surely die.
The doubt was casted on the truth of God’s word. This was his first tactic.
Doubt on God’s Character
The serpent’s
next tactic to make the first couple doubtGod’s good character by saying,
For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be
opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
This was to doubt God’s goodness
and question His love for them.[2]
Thus the first
marriage partners were deceived. They
disobeyed God’s command, in the glorious marriage. These two tactics are boldly used by Satan,
in marriages today.
Curse of God
When God
finished creating the animals, He saw that “It was good” (Gen. 1:25), but when
God finished creating mankind. He saw
that “It was very good” (Gen. 1:31).[3] Mankind had personal relationship with God
which was eventually strangled by their sin and disobedience. The first family had flaming sword and curse
following them.
Marriage before the Curse
God created a
wonder world and instituted a marriage that was wonderful, beautiful and
harmonious. He designed the relationship
between a man and a woman to be completely fulfilling and satisfying. God made marriage a beautiful relationship,
where a woman was to be the helper and wonderfully supportive of the man; and
man was to be the head and wonderfully loving to the woman. Her submission was willing, his love was
dominating, and their union was so beautiful.
They were closer
to each other than all else in the universe.
They were related to each other in such an intimate fashion yet
different. In Genesis 1:27, God created
man in His own image; male and female created He them. The humankind was created in God’s own image
that worth applies to any human being, male or female. In verse 28, it is noticed that male and
female together received God’s blessing and command. Both male and female are commanded to be
partners in fulfilling God’s command.
According to Genesis 1, both husband and wife together are to be
obedient to God. Interesting enough,
there is no hint of a hierarchy between the male and female in Genesis 1.
Together, male and female are to exercise control or dominion (or even
lordship) over the created order.[4]
The personal relationship of Adam and Even with God was so special. That was a marital paradise.
A Suitable Helper
When man was
created, the Creator saw the man was alone and He announced that it definitely,
without a doubt, was “not good.” The man
was perfectly made in a perfect environment but not complete. He needed help. God saw the need and then provided a
wonderful and creative solution. “I will make him an help meet for him” (Gen.
2:18). God created the woman, “the
suitable helper” that God envisioned for Adam.
God fashioned one who would be ideal for him, but not a second-class
individual.[5] As a suitable helper Eve provided
companionship, affection and love. She was
his follower under his headship. They
experienced interaction with each other and together with God, shared genuine
love, walked together and were one in all sense.
Now ‘helper’
does not mean something degrading or insignificant but is an exalted title, for
God Himself is our Helper. This true
worth and significance comes only from God, which is left unrealized today.
Authority and Submission
In Gen. 28, God
provided Adam a suitable helper to aid Adam as he ruled the pure and undefiled
word of creation. From the very
beginning, God designed someone to be in charge, and someone to help; someone
to be in authority, and someone to be submissive; someone to be the leader,
andsomeone to be the follower; someone to take care of the provisions, and
someone to be provided for from the very beginning the man had the role of
headship, and the woman had the role of the one for whom that headship was
provided. The man was the one who
protected, provided, preserved, and cared for the woman-who was a fitting, or
suitable helper for him.[6]
Even though all
are equal in the sight of God according to Galatians 3:28, authority and
submission must be present in terms of function.[7] This is illustrated in many ways. For example, in government (Romans 13:1; I
Peter 2:13-18), in family, in the church (I Timothy 2:11), in the Godhead (I
Corinthians 11:3; John 14:9; John 10:30).
This is not in essence, it is only in function.
The same is true
in marriage. The essence, the spiritual
quality, and the position before God is the same; but in the family, for the
sake of function, the woman is to take the place of submission to the headship
of the man. God has so made the man,
that he is stronger, is more able to do the labour, and is more able to carry
the weight and the brunt of things. The
woman’s tenderness and gentleness, then, is to come behind in supportiveness to
his strength. The point is that there is
mutual submission in marriage, but it does not negate the principle of
authority and submission.[8]
Unity
Genesis 2:21-25
portrays the unity between the man and the woman. This is a marvellously perfect
relationship. To be fully human in the
Hebrew mind is to be both sexually differentiated as a male or female or to be united
via marriage. This unity of male and
female in marriage contains all God designed humanity to be.[9] The statement of Genesis 2:18 stands, “It is
not good for a man to be alone.” The word translated ‘alone’ is a Hebrew word
that literally means “cut off.” It is
the same Hebrew word that would use to speak of cutting of one’s hand. God said that it is not good for man to be
alone-cut off.[10]
God said, “I
will make him an help meet for him...and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis
2:18, 24). The Hebrew word for one is
the same Hebrew word used in Deuteronomy 6:4: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God
is one LORD.” This word speaks of a unity made up of distinct parts. In the case of God, it is three who are
one-Father, Son and Holy Spirit-one God.
In marriage, it is two who are to become one.[11]
Adam saw Eve in
every sense as one with him that was God’s design. God designed marriage to be most intimate of
all humanrelationships. This is sharing
life. The differences in them were so
beautifully blended in oneness. The
woman’s submissiveness was willing and beautiful and the man’s provision was
willing and beautiful. There was no
animosity, no struggle, no fighting, nothing but a perfectly glorious union.[12] This unity is also illustrated in a briefer
account in Genesis 1:27-28 where it describes them as being fruitful and
multiplying, filling the earth, subduing it, and having dominion together. It does not deny the authority and submission
principle, it just simply shows that can exist in oneness. The unity is a picture of deep intimacy.
Marriage after the Curse
God made
marriage beautiful. However when looking
at the world today, instead of companionship in marriage, there is
misunderstanding and resentment. Instead
of co-operation, the there is conflict. Instead of compassion, abuse-both
physical and emotional.
Gen. 3 reveals
that the fall turned God’s vision of marriage upside down. The first and the most wonderful marriage on
the earth encountered problems. The
serpent, by passing the headship of the man, went right to the one who is by
nature the follower and weaker vessel (because the tempter felt that Eve would
give him a better audience), and enticed her to do the one thing God told them
not to do-eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Eve took the fruit, ate it, and gave it to
her husband-and here is seen the reversal of their roles. John M. Arthur writes,
The woman usurped the
leadership of the man and he became the follower.[13]
God’s design for marriage was
twisted and marriage has been defiled ever since. Marriage is tough because there has been,
since that act, a flipping of the roles as God had designed them.
The Elements of the Curse
In Genesis
3:16-19, God gave curse to the man and woman because of their sin, and it is
found that the most basic elements of human life are involved.
Child-bearing
(v. 16a).The wonderful reality and the glorious anticipation, joy and hope of
having a child would be overshadowed by the pain and anguish of child birth.[14]
Marriage (v.
16b).An evident consequences of Adam and Eve’s disobedience was the toll on
their marital relationship. There would
be a problem in marriage caused by the man ruling over the woman in an
oppressive way, and the woman seeking to rule over the man.[15]
Provision (vv.
17-19). Man would have to labor and work to earn a living and provide for his
family.[16]
Life (2:17). God
has said to Adam, “For in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt sure die.[17]
Pain in
childbirth, problems in the home, difficulty in getting food, and death are all
a result of the sin in the garden. And
when Adam sinned, his death and his sin “passed upon all men” (Romans
5:12). The race itself was cursed. Nobody in the society will deny that there is
pain in childbirth, or that it is difficult for an individual to earn a loving
and provide for his family; but people do not seem to want to admit that the
reason there is conflict in marriage in because there is a total reversal of
roles that started with the original sin.
The Effects of the Curse
Marriage in the Garden
of Eden was so beautiful, so God created, so God-ordained, so pure and so
pristine. But in Genesis 3, sin enters
into the picture, and immediately they were cursed.
Broker Relationship with God
Adam and Eve had
broken their relationship with God even before eating the fruit. They strongly disobeyed God and doubted His
love for them. They hid themselves from
God. They were afraid of God with whom
they once had a so special relationship.
They estranged from their Creator, changing the blessing into curse by
grieving the Lord.
The immediate
result of curse on the disobedience of God’s one command is awareness of their
nakedness and shame (Gen. 3:7, 10). They
were hiding not only from God but also from each other. Immediately, guilt and shame entered into
their open love relationship. Intimacy
was gravely damaged. Disobedience destroyed
the mutual vulnerability and trust that had been climax of God’s creation of
marriage. The consequence of disobedience
specifically for the woman would be pain in child-bearing. Thus the most intimate expression of one
flesh-sexual union would lead to pain because of sin.[18]
Hierarchy
in the Marriage
The sense of
mutuality and partnership that was so central to God’s vision for marriage was
lost. In the place of mutuality and
complementary relationship cam domination, hierarchy and the struggle for
power. The women’s man would rule or have
dominion over her and she would desire him was a curse.[19] John MacArthur’s comment on this is,
“...and they desire shall be
to thy husband.”
The word “desire” is the
Hebrew word tshuka. This word is used
only one other time in the Pentateuch, fifteen verses later in Genesis 4:7.
Now, this word comes from an Arabic root which means “to compel, to impel, to
urge, to seek control.” Notice it does not come from the Arabic root for
exciting, loving, or psychological desire.
To get a feeling for what Genesis 3:16 is saying, let’s look at how tshuka is translated in Genesis 4:7b.
The best textual rendering of this verse is: “Sin will desire to master you (or
control you), but you must master it.” In other words, God says to Cain, “Now
Cain, sin will desire to control you, but you must master it.” The word “desire” here in 4:7 (tshuka) is the same word, in the same
grammatical structure, in an absolutely identical form as the word in 3:16. So,
whatever it means in 4:7, it would also mean back in 3:16 because it’s in the
very same context. Therefore, 3:16 would rightly read: “To the woman He said,
...your desire will be to control your husband, but he will rule over you.”[20]
“...and he shall rule over
thee.”
The word translated “rule” is masal in the Hebrew. It
means “to reign or rule.” In the
Septuagint (the Greek translation of the Old Testament) the word used is kathistemi, which mean “to install in an
office” or “to elevate to an official position.” So, as part of this curse God says to the
woman, “you were once co-regents, wonderfully ruling together as a team, but
from now on the man is installed over you.”
This was new kind of ruling-an authority that had never been known
before. Regarding the word masal, C. F. Keil states: “Created for
the man, the woman was made subordinate to him from the very first; but the
supremacy of the man was not intended to become a despotic rule...” but in the
fall, that’s what it becomes. Eve
usurped the headship of the man when she took the fruit and fell. The curse on her then, is that man is going
to have to rule over her for the rest of the human history.[21]
Speaking about
Genesis 3:20 one must understand the significance of Hebrew culture. “The man
[adam] called the name of his woman
[isha] Eve.” In ancient Semitic culture, naming another was an act of
domination or power, claiming the authority of define and determine the fate of
the one named. The man had not named the
woman prior to the fall. Naming was the
first act of subjugating her.[22]
The woman
usurped the place of the man but after the curse the man would subdue her
tendency to control him. Today there are women’s liberation movements because
the element of the curse that says that women will seek to rule over men is
still in effect. The reason male
oppression and male chauvinism is so evident is because the element of the
curse that says that men will rule over women is still in effect.
The Corruption of Satan
The man fell
submissively to the woman in sin, as sin entered the world, Satan began to
attack marriage. He tried to dissolve
and crush marriage as best he would because he knew that it was the only hope
of right human relationships. He wanted
to devastate the world by destroying the world by destroying relationships at
their most important level-in the home.
So immediately after the fall in Gen. 3, Satan tried to corrupt marriage
by polygamy (Gen. 4:19, 23), evil sexual thoughts and words (Gen. 9:22),
adultery (Gen. 16:1-3), homosexuality (19:4-11), fornication and rape and
unequal yoking (Gen. 34:1-2), incest (Gen. 38:13-18), prostitution (Gen.
38:24), evil seduction (39:7-12) and much more sins that exist today.[23]
The Confusion of Society
It the elements
of the curse and the corruptions of Satan had not been enough to make marriage
difficult, added to them is a society that extols all of Satan’s corruptions as
virtuous. It is tough living the godly life in this evil and perverse
generation. The Biblical idea of
marriage is outdated, beyond the grasp of modern man, a dream the exists in
man’s memory but simply produces guilt feelings when one seeks to apply it in
the modern world.
The curse hit at
the base of the most needed relationship. “It is not good that man should be
alone” (Gen. 2:18). Man desperately needed a helper-someone with whom he could
fulfil his deep drives and physical needs and someone who would be his
friend. So Satan smashed at the very
core of man’s greatest need and made it virtually impossible to work out that
needed relationship. Then along came the
sick world, spawned by Satan himself and told that if one really wanted to live
it u p one should be unfaithful, one should have an affair here and an affair
there, swap wives, be a homosexual and be proud of it, etc.[24]
The society had
denied the reality and had thrown the fantasy in front of people. it was about: affairs, wild living, the
perfect girl, and perfect man, wonderful personality, beautiful face,
attractive body, no boredom. There was fantasy
of ‘super sex’ on the screen, in
books, in magazines, in records and everywhere.
The modern efforts tried making male and female as ‘unisex,’ rejecting the difference in man and woman. The relational life in the 21st
century. Today many couples shoes to
co-habit without making a moral, legal, spiritual, or personal commitment. In the mindset of many, the church’s
insistence on marriage is often viewed as an archaic, legalistic requirement
that imposes discipline without proving benefits.[25] Today many young adults did think “Why get
married today if the likely result is divorce tomorrow?” people did not think
about “commitment” that brings satisfaction and fulfilment in marital
relationship. The confusion got worse
and worse; and meaningful relationships became impossible to find.
God made
marriage wonderful but the destroyer distorted that wonderful and meaningful
relationship. Marriage fell at the fall.
Suppressed help meet, help meet over ruled the leader, lost unity, cursed
marriage, corrupted by Satan, confused by society-could there be a Christian
marriage as God designed it? Could there be a marriage that is a reverse of the
fall. The illusions were in the world,
but the reality was in the Bible. God’s
word has given answers for the marriage which could be found if approached
without doubt, unlike the first couple.
[25]Morris,
Making a Marriage, 31.
CHAPTER 1 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE FACTORS THAT MAKE SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SO DIFFICULT- CHAPTER 2 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE ENGAGEMENT - CHAPTER 3 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPERIENCE - CHAPTER 4 - AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPECTATION
CHAPTER 1 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE FACTORS THAT MAKE SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SO DIFFICULT- CHAPTER 2 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE ENGAGEMENT - CHAPTER 3 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPERIENCE - CHAPTER 4 - AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPECTATION
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