Chapter IV
The preceding chapter
have dealt with the failures in the relationship with God and in marital
relationship, the need to have proper spiritual and marital and the modern to
have a perfect relationship with God and the mate in the marital relationship.
In the order of priority, they are the personal relationship with God and then
the marital relationship. In each of these areas, God has made perfect
relationship possible.God had made the perfect marriage available to those in
the marriage who will believe and obey Him.The realization of having been
living on too low a led in marital relationship means it is directly
proportional to the relationship with God.
One of the most
revolutionary features of the teaching of Jesus was His standard of marriage.
He refused to settle for anything less thanthe original purpose of God.For this
reason, Solomon’s picture of “a cord of three stands” not only illustrates the
pattern of marriage establish at creation, if also portrays just as accurately
the pattern of marriage for believes today who are united through their faith
in Christ. Derek Prince, about this “three strands said,
The three strands are
the man, the women, and God. The Principle that binds them inseparably together
is covenant.[1]
This covenant represents final irrevocable commitment. Commitment leads to
life, a blessed life, a shared life and fruitfulness bots spiritually and in
marriage.[2]
Commitment in the life of a
Marriage Christian
The concept of covenant is central to the whole of
divine revelation. So is the concept of commitment is central to the whole of
divine relationship and marital relationship. God considers the breaking of a covenant
a very serious matter and one which will bring judgement on the guilty party.
So could hold the commitment which is the ingredient of covenant. Commitment is
the basis of relationship. The full understands the concept of commitment.
Every permanent relationship of man with God and man with women us based on
commitment.[3]
Commitment
of God to Man
The sacrifice is the
emblem of the covenant, and the wren ant is God’s final, irrevocable
commitment. Covenant involves sacrifice and in turn sacrifice involves
commitment. In God’s sight, the act of making covenant is no empty ritual. It
is a solemn and sacred commitment.[4]
God made Commitment to
Man
If traced through
history the course of events that resulted from the Lord’s covenant with Abram,
It is seen that each party had to make good the commitment which the covenant
represented. That is how the Lord and Abram entered into covenant. Each passed
in turn between the pieces of the sacrifices. It is amazing that a Almighty God
would do that with a man. In a certain sense, God had come all the way down
from heaven to pass between those pieces of slain animals to make His
commitment to Abram. This commitment of God to man was unconditional and
sacrificial.[5]
God Himself was a
Commitment
Commitment of God to
Abraham was not the end. God had also committed Himself His commitment to
Abraham. Two thousand years later God, in His turn, fulfilled His past of the
covenant by committing Himself, He offered up His only son. There was no last
minute reprieve. One may pass through a time when they can see nothing but the
one fact that Jesus died for them. That is all need to be known. Everything is
included in that. In Romans 8:32 He that spared not His own son, but delivered
Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?
There could be times when only this commitment is all one can hold on to. It is
the covenant and commitment made in the sacrificial death of the lord Jesus
Christ.[6]
On the Cross, Jesus
laid down His life as the full price of redemption for Abraham and all his
descendants. That act was the outcome of the commitment that God and Abram made
to each other on that fateful night, two thousand years earliest, when they
passed between those pious of the sacrifice. All that followed from then on in
the course of history was determined by theircovenant and committed. God would
go to such lengths to make his personal commitment to man.[7]
Commitment
of Man to God
Husbands and wives in
the marriage are of two kinds religiously. They may be church goers, or at
least have a church background. They may be familiar with the accepted phrases
used by religious people. They may actually had experienced moments of uplift
or inspiration when they knew that god was real. Alternatively, they may to the
person withno church background. Although they are on adherent of any definite
religion, there is hunger in their heart which they long to satisfy. Or again, they
may not belong to either of these categories. They may have come to the point
of religious hunger of some unique route of their own. That really is not the
issue now. But they have to come to a point where they long for an intimate,
personal relationshipwith God, something that could be so deep and real that
they will never again need to question it. They should be ready, therefore,
tomake a sincere,whole hearted commitment of themselves to God through Jesus
Christ.[8]
Prayerful Life
The natural way for a
person to make the commitment is by prayer. By praying one gives the expression
of what is in the heart, in the process of verbalizing it one gives it content.
Prayer makes the commitment specific. Prayer is like crossing a bridge. It
takes a person over into new territory. Prayer will not let a person. Replying
on something vague and undefined in the shadowy realm of one’s mind. Prayer
makes a passion to know and understand what they are committed to, when and
where they made their commitment .the on-going relationship withGod will hence
forth have a definite starting point- something fixed in a time – space world –
a point of decision. Prayer leads to simple faith that in turn leads to god
through Jesus Christ commitment involves cultivating new relationship with God.
Prayer strengthens the relationship withGod. Commitment in prayer life is
setting aside a period of each day for God. Spending part of this period is
reading the bible and part of it is praying – that is talking to God in a committed
sincere and natural way. All this will put a desire in one’s heart to know god
in a real and personal way ever if they do not fully understand everything.[9]
Witnessing Life
The commitment to God
should be known to the people around. This is not being spiritually aggressive
or putting on religious airs. But as opportunities come in the normal course of
daily life it must be made known in a quiet, but firm way that Jesus is in full
control of life. A person life could be a witness of his commitment to God. A
family could be a witness of its commitment to God. It is a wonderful means for
evangelism. It could serve as a vehicle to ministry running on the wheels of
commitment Hughes said, “
As ministry professionals,
we hold the firm conviction that family is ministry and that the most effective
spread of the gospel occurs through family, at the heart of the family is
ministry. Christian families are magnetic and therefore when Christian families
are living under Gods word, people will find themselves drawn to them.[10]
It could be unfortunate
when Christians separate family and ministry. Commitment leads to ministry.
They are inseparable. God has given this church much , and he distress for it
to minister to others in order to give back a portion of what his church has
been given the ministry and witness out of commitment is both in the family and to beyond the
family. Ministering and witnessing in the church should be earnest. God’s
people are to seek God and his kingdom before all else the relationship with
God is the priority. God should be loved above all else. Pleasing God, obeying
him and spending time in fellowship with him. All of these come out of
commitment to him and leads to witness. Ministry involves love and commitment
for god and love and concern for people rather than ac commitment a task.[11]
Commitment
to Mate
After the personal relationship to god, the next
most important area of a believer’s life in marriage is their marriage and
home. The right order of priorities should be made sure. For committed believers,
marriage is “a cord of three stands “a covenant between husband, wife and God,
it takes the personal commitment to make the covenant effective. This
commitment between husband and wife should be at same time and same level,
which is possible by all sufficient supernatural grace to God, which in turn
involves their commitment to God. Packekrk said, “Commitment to marriage has
become passé”[12]
instead of “till death do us part” today’s culture a society has changed the
words to “till disagreements do us part”. This attitude is contrary to god’s
original plan. Quitting the marriage is an all too quick first response for
these experiencing difficulties. Christians are not exempt studies show the
divorce rate for Christians is equal to the secular worlds rate because
Christian have the help and power from god available, quitting should not be
the initial response to domestic problems. Commitment to the marriage must be
affirmed while at the same time dealing with issues in troubled marriage.[13]
Commitment living out
the Plan of God for Marriage.
A committed believer earnestly
wants to follow god’s plan for his life for god’s purpose are always good.
Committed to marriage should be based on a desire to obey god. Commitment for
mate provides a safe environment for love tograce and matures. In the beginning,
God created the man and the woman to be one of flesh. This oneness was described
a cleaving, or being glued together. In Matthew 19:6, Jesus described marriage
with the word joined. Joined means to yoke together, uniting in a permanent
bond. Permanence is what god intended for husbands and wives in marriage.
Malachi 2:14, calls marriage a covenant relationship. Divorce does violence or
irreparable damage, to the divine plan for marriage, which was to be a committed
relationship. Gods covenant relationship with Israel is compared to a marriage
relationship. The church is called the bride of Christ) Rev 21:2). Committed
covenant marriage for Christians is thus modelled after Christ’s love for his
church.[14]
Committedly living by trust
in Marriage
Trust is marriage is by faith on God and faithfulness
to mate. This trust on god is the outcome of commitment to god and faithfulness
to make is the outcome of commitment to mate.[15]
Trusting
God
God is faithful and all powerful and can work
through any circumstances for his purposes and his glory. God did not promise
that life would be easy, but he did promise that he would be with his children
through everything, even though difficult times in marriage. A believer’s
responsibility is to respond to life events in the way that pleases God.[16]
Packer said, “Hope is bound up in the presence and purposes of God in our
lives.[17]
Trusting
Mate
One’s thoughts can totally sabotage the commitment
level by focusing them on their spouse’s negative aspects and short comings.
This trust for each other could be revealed by god, if asked for. Men and women
in marriage must know to trust in each other. Trusting each other will make
each other trusted. Marriage may at times seem an arduous and difficult but
commitment in necessary to keep trusting in god and mate. Trust in marriage is
mutual.[18]
Being
faithful
Faithfulness
is the core of commitment unhappiness and difficulties in marriage of ten arise
out of sinful hearts rather than from circumstances and people. Faithfulness if
trust worthiness. There should be absolute fidelity to spouse and marriage.
There could be nothing that violates trust like adultery. Trust is broken
quickly but takes time restore, said Omartian.[19]Faithfulness
could be the most delicate. Most important and strangest part of marriage.
Faithfulness to spouse comes out of faithfulness to God.[20]
Commitment
of the Church of God
This is commitment to
God’s people commitment gains people. Those who have a committed relationship
with god necessarily also have a committed relationship with each other. He
relationships established by commitment should extend in two directions.
Vertical and horizontal, the commitment that brings a person into union
vertically with God must of necessity also bring him into union horizontally
with all who have entered into the union with god with same commitment. No one
could have right to claim to the benefit of committed relationship with god,
while at the same time refusing to accepts the obligations toward those who
share the same covenant commitment with him. The same covenant commitment that
brings individuals into union with God also brings them into collective union
with one another.[21]
The New Testament set
forth, for all who enters into the new covenant the ways in which they are obligated,
by their covenant commitment. To relate to one another,
Wash one another feet (John
13:14)
One
may edify another (Romans 14:19)
Receive
ye one another (Romans 15:7)
Admonish
one another (Romans 15:14)
Salute
one another (Romans 16:16)
Serve
one another (Galatians 5:13)
Bear
ye one another burdens (Galatians 6:2)
Bearing
one another in love (Ephesians 4:2)
Be
ye kind one to another (Ephesians 4:32)
Forgiving
one another (Ephesians 4:32)
Submitting
yourselves one to another (Ephesians 5:21)
Admonishing
one another (Colossians 3:16)
Comfort
one another (I Thessalonians 4:18)
Exhort
one another (Hebrews 3:13)
Consider
one another to provoke unto love and to good works (Hebrews 10:24)
Confess
your faults one to another (I Peter 4:9)
Pray
one for another (James 5:16)
Use
hospitality one to another (I Peter 4:9)
Subject
one to another (I Peter 5:5)[22]
Believers could fulfil
the turns of the new covenant as they discharge these mutual responsibilities
toward one another. To the Greek vocabulary of the New Testament, one very
important word describes the distinctive life style into which a committed
believer is initiated through the new covenant. It is koinonia, derived from
the adjective koines which means common literally and basically koinonia is “having
in common “this costs commitment.[23]
Walking in the light is
worked out through commitment. but walk in the light, as he is in the light,
were have fellowship one with another…’’ commitment is the only way to rough waling I the light as individual believers,
one can only achieve true fulfilment and wholeness by entering into a committed
relationship with other believers in such a way that they can together with
them, function as a single body.[24]
Marriage from the Perspective of
God
The relationship in
marriage should be based on God’s perspective. The most needed thing for family
is God’s perspective one of the biggest commitments a person will make during
his or her life time is that of marriage. Unfortunately this is one of the
promises most often broken. The reason that this important commitment could
fall apart is an improper understanding of what marriage is. Until a person
understands the solemn union that God intended marriage to be, that person will
never be fully committed[25].
Taylor said, God intended for marriage to be an iron- clad promise”.[26]
Contract
Marriages
In spite of the fact that the concept of covenant is
seen throughout the Bible, in today’s contract-oriented society. Marriage is
treated as a contract relationship. Even many Christian couples have brought
this contract mentality into their marriages. They busy themselves with making
contract and trying to force each other into living up to them. Unfortunately,
this kind of marriage stimulates resentment heart and anger and eventually
leads same couples to divorce.[27]
Basically, the contract is an agreement between two
or more person specifying that one will do something if the other will do
something. Legally, marriage between legal marriage and covenant marriage. In a
legal marriage, if one party does not live up to the contract, then legal
actions forces them to do so or to end the marriage with an equitable
settlement. Contracts are important but problem arises when marriage is viewed
only as a contract or a series of contracts because contracts are most often
made for a limited period of time. This involves mutual benefits for the
parties involved, and breaks apart when circumstance change. This does not
involve the commitment of “till death do part us”. This contract mentality
predisposes the couple to divorce when the relationship comes upon hard times.
Contract marriages often deal with specific actions, which does not involves
love and concern for each other in marriage.[28]
Contracts are based on
an “if …, then…” mentality. They are motivated by the desire to get something
one wants. This kind of marriage same sometimes unspoken and implicit. A
society would not exist without laws regulating marriage relationship, so in
this sense, marriage is a contract. But when this happens in a Christian
marriage, then the husbands and wives in the Christian marriage have become
totally secular in their thinking and have abandonment the biblical view of
marriage. The Bible views marriage ultimately as a covenant although contracts
may be an important part of carrying out the covenant. For a Christian,
however, marriage is more than a contract.[29]
Covenant
Marriage
The word covenant is a biblical term and it most
clearly denotes the uniqueness of Christian marriage. The concept of covenant
runs throughout the Bible. Marriage is also viewed as a covenant a between a
man and woman. God often depicted His relationship with Israel as a covenantal
marriage. Jesus Himself clearly viewed marriage as a lifelong covenantal
relationship (Matt. 19:4-9). The sacrifice upon which the covenant of Christian
marriage is based is the death of Jesus Christ on sinner’s behalf. He is the
sacrifice though which, by faith, a man and a woman can pass into the
relationship of marriage as God Himself ordained that it should be. In this
marriage relationship, each party has a special contribution to make. It is
noteworthy that in every passage of the New Testament which deals with marriage
explain the mutual obligation of both husband and wife.[30]
A covenant, like a
contract, an agreement made between two or more persons, but the nature of the
agreement is quite different. Covenants are initiated for the benefit of the other
person. In covenant relationships, God made unconditional promises and He
expects the same in the covenant marriage. Short coming son private behaviour
should be forgiven and characterized by unconditional promises covenant marriage
are based on steadfast love. The characteristic of a steadfast love at the centres
of covenant marriage. God’s steadfast love motivates a believer’s best
interest. In covenant marriage, it is same. Husbands and wives should enter
marriage with a sense that they are loved and that they love each other and
then they are responsible for maintaining this attitude of love through the
marriage. Bible commanded husbands (Titus2:4). Covenant relationships require
confrontation and forgiveness. Confrontation means holding the other person
responsible for his or her actions. Forgiving means a willingness to lift the
penalty and continue a loving, growing relationship. God’s response to man’s
failures has always been confrontation and a willingness to forgive. There will
be failures in every marriage but a covenant marriage is marked by a commitment
to responsible living and a willingness t forgives when the spouse fails. This
approach to marriage, which sees it in terms of a covenant, is very different
from the attitude with which most people today enter into marriage.[31]
Marriage-
The Glorious Relationship
Christian marriage
between a man and woman is so glories that it exhibits the relationship of
Jesus Christ to His church. At all costs one must not misrepresent this
relationship.
The Greatness of the
Church
The application to
earthly Christian marriage of how Christ does it all for the church should be
valued as Christ values it. This is God given pattern for the marriage. Christ
as a glorious bride. The relationship between Christ and church is a great
mystery. It could be the secret of how oneness is achieved in the body of
Christ, the church. It is the secret of how headship body headship and body
principles are achieved. This is an open sacred secret too. Church is so
precious in the sight of God and that His relationship with His church is so
very much precious.[32]
The Glory of the
Marriage
Bible compares marriage
to the relationship between Christ and the church. Christ loves His church and
is committed to it one hundred per cent. A marriage should be the same. Surely
a marriage built on this biblical view would be delightful and fulfilling. Some
people have noticed that in this passage of scripture Paul so intertwines the
subject of Christ and the church and the relationship of husband and wives that
bible reader might wonder if he has lost teach of the main subject. And that
may be the significant point he is making that the best example of how Christ
relates to the church is found in a godly marriage.[33]
So how can New
Testament believers understand and apply this passage in today’s modern
culture, a culture vastly different from that to which Paul originally wrote?
The cultural expectation of the first century was that wives would submit to
their husbands and that husbands would use their wives for their own sexual and
social gratification. In that context Paul could assume that wives were
submissive and that the husbands we the ones in need of major instruction.
However, the point is to show how marriage can be an example, and expression of
the mutual submission demonstrated by the presence of the Holy Spirit in the
church.[34]
Surely the application
is not that one garden is to submit and one gender is to love. Rather, the
application is that Christian’s marriage is to be an example of the
relationship that exists between Christ and the church. Both parties are to
love and submit. To those who argue that “somebody has to be in charge of the
come” Paul might well respond, “Yes, Christ must be in charge of the home”. And
if Christ is the Lord of the home, then mutual submission and mutual love are
possible and ultimately inevitable. Christ marriage is so important because it
is a picture of Christ and church. This magnificent picture was a mystery,
never known in the past, but now revealed. The sacredness of the church is wed
to the sacredness of marriage; so, by marriage one can be either a symbol or
denial of Christ and His church.[35]
The purpose of the
covenant between God and the individual believer is to bring all believers into
union with each. The purpose of the marriage covenant is to bring man and woman
into union with each other. Thus the end purpose of covenant marriage, but
contracts alone does not provide a covenant marriage. The intimacy and
fulfilling God intended for marriage can be experienced only if couples in
marriage are committed to a covenant marriage. The relationship with God is
central in building and intimate marriage, which could picture Christ and His
church.
[1]Derek
Prince, the Marriage Covenant: Marriage
is a Covenant,(New Zealand: Derek Prince Ministries, 1977), p.23.
[2]Ibid,42.
[4]Ibid.87.
[5]Ibid.43.
[9]Stormic
Omartian, The power of a praying husband:
The power, (Oregon: harvest house published, 2001), p.23.
[10]Kent
Barbara Hughes, disciplines of Godly
family: spiritually,(Illinois: cross way books,1995),p.87
[12]Lana
Packer, Women Making a Difference in
Marriage: Covenant Commitment,(Tennessee: Life way press, 2001), p.159.
[16]Dr.Lilan Stanley, wings for women: creepers without support,
(India: Blessing Youth Mission, 1995), p.69.
[20]
Dr.Lilan Stanley, Jolly Family:
Rebuild Your Castle, (India: Blessing Youth Mission, 1995), p.69.
[21] Lana Packer, Women Making a Difference in Marriage,
(Tennessee: ministering to others, 2001), p.91.
[22]A.D.
Adams, Cruden’s complete Concordance:
Love,(Torato: The John C. Winster Company, 1949), p.399.
[25] Charles R. Swindoll, Strengthening Your Grip:on the Family,
(Texas: Word Books Publisher, 1986), 256.
[26]Mitchell G. Taylor, Unbroken Promise, 107.
[27] Gary Chapman, Covenant Marriage: Dream on reality,(Tennessee: Broad man & Holman
Publisher,2003),27.
[28] Ibid.,7.
[29] Ibid.,9.
[30] Larry R. Morris, Making A Marriage: He is Our Lord,
(Kansas : Beacon Hill Press,2007,129
[31] Garry Chapman, covenant,: Dream on Reality,31.
[32]Douglas Mac Carkle, God’s Special Secret: The Church as the Bride of Christ,(Florida:
MBM Books.1993), 203.
[33] Mitchell G. Taylor, Unbroken Promise,107
[34]Larry R. Morris, Making A Marriage: Unconditional
Acceptance, 137.
[35] John Mac Author, Family Feuding: How to End
it,(California: Word of Grace Communications,1981), 61.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------CONCLUSION
The development of the relationship between a husband and
wife is not always easy. This relationship should be built on Bible. To live
the marriage successfully, marriage has to be understood from its beginning.
God is the author of marriage, design it to be wonderful. Every husbands and
wives in the marriage who understand this should also know that this wonderful
relationship was distorted by Satan from the beginning. It is important to
understand that Satan brings confusion in marriage through his corruptions and
society. Christian marriages are not exceptional. This explains why the divorce
rate inside the church parallels the divorce rate in secular culture.
If a couple cannot experience the saving power of Jesus
Christ and the transformation of the inner man, it is impossible to experience
something of the love and joy and that Christ
came to give, and to share these in their marital relationship. For
those who are married, marriage should become the second most important
relationship in life, the first and the most important being one’s relationship
with God. In order to know the divine pattern that can make the family and
marriage meaningful, and to make the security of man a reality, there is a
presupposition-one must be a Christian, but when he is no controlled by the
Spirit of God, the family life will manifest it. So to be a Christian is the
starting point; but to be controlled with the Spirit is the power that makes it
all happen. The Spirit of God brings satisfaction in marriage and makes it
meaningful. God’s intention for marriage is mutual fulfilment, satisfaction,
harmony and goodwill which are possible only in the Spirit-controlled marriage.
Commitment to God is revealed by commitment to mate in the marriage and
commitment to other believers. The intimacy and fulfilment God intended for
marriage can be experienced only if one is committed to God and to the covenant
marriage.
By understanding God’s pattern for marriage, taking the
relationship of Christ and His church, men are blessed by wives and are to please, honor and love
them. Women are blessed by husband and are to please honor and love them,
looking after each other’s best interest. The Christian church has not only the
model of covenant marriage but both the clear instruction from God on how to
have such a marriage as well as the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit who
enables husbands and wives to love unconditionally and to give lives in
marriage.
The marriage relationship between a man and a woman is the
most delightful and challenging partnership in life. Christian marriage will be
successful if they have the relationship between Christ and His church as their
foundation. Successful marriages, one’s that brings the greatest satisfaction
to both parties, are based upon joint, significant commitment to God and each
other. When these commitments are honoured by both parties, God blesses that
relationship, and the rewards are eternal. Once Christian marriages begin to
take seriously the biblical pattern for marriage, it will become exceedingly
attractive to the non-Christian world.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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CHAPTER 1 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE FACTORS THAT MAKE SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SO DIFFICULT
CHAPTER 2 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE ENGAGEMENT
CHAPTER 3 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPERIENCE
CHAPTER 4 - AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPECTATION
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