Chapter III
To have a meaning full
and fulfilled marriage and family the way of God designed it, the couples in
the marriage must first be a believer, having a new life, new light, new love,
and new wisdom but there is more. Being a believer is good but a carnal
believer is going to have discord in the family because he or she had discord
between themselves and God. So to be a Christian is the starting but to be
spiritual makes it all happen in the marriage. In the book of Ephesians Paul
had discussed various relationships between Christians. Beginning at Eph. 5:
22, he addressed wives and then (22ff) their husbands. He described the
fundamental roles and relationships between them. Nowhere else in the Scripture
are the proper roles of Husbands and wives described in such detail as in
Ephesians 5. These are the crucial verses that, based on the creation
ordinances, expand the Christian concept of marriage. There are two sections to
this passage: verse 22-24 and Verses 25-33.
Filling
of the Holy Spirit in the Christian Marriage
World
is drowning in sea of Marriage information today: marriage seminars, marriage
conferences, marriage encounters, marriage books, marriage counsellors. People
thought the first thing to do when they have a marital problem is to go see a
counsellor, go to a psychiatrists, go to an analyst, get a bunch of books, go
to a seminar, listen to the tapes, fill out the charts and if they are not
filled with the Spirit, none of it matters. On the other hand if the husband
and wife in marriage were filled with the spirit, He will control the
relationships. That is why one must cultivate the spiritual nature and learn to
walk in the spirit of the weaknesses in the marriage could be overcome. The
loving God who commanded, “Be filled with the Spirit”, has provided simple
steps to be followed to make this a real possibility.[1]
Christ
Life in Marriage
It
should be obvious that one cannot live in the control of the spirit unless
Christ is in the life and it was also obvious that the spirit could not control
the marriage unless He is in the life. And that could not be possible until one
was born again and had invited Jesus into their life. Christ has given eternal
life and has lived in people by holy Spirit gave the strength to be new
creature in Christ. It is the coming of the Holy Spirit into the lives that
enable believers to overcome their weaknesses. It could be the coming of the
Holy Spirit into the marital lives that enabled marriages to overcome weakness,
difficulties and problems.[2]
Control
of the Holy Spirit in Life and Marriage
“And
be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit”. The
words filled and controlled are interchangeable. A drunken man acts abnormally
for he is controlled by wine. Conversely, the positive command was to be
controlled by the spirit. Thus in each place the bible spoke of being filled
with the spirit, also meant being controlled by the spirit. This is being controlled
by the Holy Spirit who came into the heart on receiving Christ. New Christian’s
talks about the change Christ made in their life after they received him. What
had really happened was that the Holy Spirit came into their lives and gave
them a new set of characteristic to overcome their weaknesses. It was the same
with marriage, when the Holy Spirit comes into marriage it would be filled or
controlled by the spirit getting a new set of characteristics to overcome its
weaknesses[3].
Fruit of the Holy Spirits in Life and Marriage
There are nine new
strengths or nine new characteristics when Holy Spirit enters life and
marriage. They are called the “fruit” or evidences of the spirit in life[4].
Love compassion for others- it is listed first
because it is the foundation of the others. God is love and loves the world
(John 3: 16; 1 John 4: 8). Such self-sacrificing love that sent Christ to die
for sinners was the kind of love that believers who are spirit-controlled
manifested. This self-sacrificing love is the foundation of all other virtues
in marriage. And this mutual in nature[5].
Joy song in the heart-
It is a deep abiding inner rejoicing which was provided to those who abide in
Christ (John 15: 11). It did not depend on circumstances because it rests in
God’s sovereign control of all things (Rom. 8: 28). Marriages which abide in
Christ would have this deep and abiding inner rejoicing, independent of
circumstances[6].
Peace (eurene)
inner consentient is again a gift of Christ (John 14: and quietness, even in
the face of adverse circumstances; it defies human understanding. In the marriage
that is gifted with peace there is rest and quietness even in the adverse
circumstances. This rest and peace in the marriage is achieved only when there
is peace in the partners in the marriage. This is possible only with the help
of the spirit of God[7].
Long suffering (makrothymia) patient endurance, perseverance
is the quality of forbearances under provocation (2 Cor. 6:6; Col. 1: 11; 3:
12)[8].
It entertains no thoughts of retaliation even when wrongfully treated. This entertains
no thoughts of retaliation in marriage even when wrongfully treated by the
spouse. Impatience does not lead to understanding but patience does. A hot
tempered man stirs u dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel (Prov. 15:
18). This certainly works out in marriage[9].
Gentleness kindness
(NIV) Christotes, thoughtfulness to other without seeking reward. Is
benevolence in action such as God demonstrated toward men? Since God is kind
toward sinners (Rom. 2: 4; Ephesians 2: 7) a Christian should display the same
virtue (2 Cor. 6: 6; Col 3: 12). This virtue should be displayed in marriage
also, being kind toward the short comings to each other in the marriage. This
is very much essential in marriage[10].
Goodness (agathosyne) a
growing abhorrence of sin-may is thought of both as an uprightness of soul and
as an action reacting out to others to do good even when it is not deserved.
This is the result of Christ controlled life. If Christ controls the marriage,
there should be goodness in the hearts of partners in marriage, to do good even
when it is not deserved by the other spouse”[11].
Faith faithfulness
(NIV) pistis- a commitment to God, spouse, duty. It is the quality which
sendness a person trustworthy or reliable, like the faithful servant in Luke
16: 10-12). One should be trusted to trust us to have a confident expectation
in many unexpected circumstances that life brings[12].according
to God’s unchanging purpose; marriage is a covenant, which is the secret that
alone ensures the success of the marriage relationship. Covenant represents
final, irrevocable commitment, the commitment characterized by faithfulness[13].
Meekness (gentleness)
NIV, prauter- consideration for the feelings of others. This marks a person who
is submissive to God’s word. (James 1: 21) and who is considerate of others
when discipline is eeded (“getly in Gal. 6: 1’ 2 Tim. 2: 25; “gentle” in 1 Cor.
4: 21’ Eph. 4: 2; “gentleness” in Col. 3: 12; 1 pet. 3: 16). Meekness or
gentleness or the consideration for the feelings of other spouse in the
marriage is necessary[14].
Temperance Self-control
(enkrateia)- inner strength to control ones emotional, mental and physical
weaknesses. This noun is used in the NT only here and in Acts 24: 25; 2 Pet.)Denotes
self-mastery and no doubt primarily related to curbing the fleshly impulses.
Such a quality is impossible to attain apart from the power God’s spirit (Gal.
5: 16). Temperance is also so very much essential for a successful marriage.[15]
Love, joy and peace are
the habits of mind which find their source in God and reach out to patience,
kindness and goodness and fortify them. Faithfulness, gentleness and self-control
guide the general conduct of a believer who is led by the spirit, even in the
marriage. These are the fruit of the Holy-Spirit[16].
The word fruit is singular, indicating that these qualities constitute a unity,
all of which should be found in a believer who lives under the control of the
spirit. In an ultimate sense this “fruit” is simply the life of Christ lived
out in a Christian. It also points to the method whereby Christ is formed in a
believer 92 Cor. 3: 18; Phi. 1: 21). It is important to observe that the fruit
of the Holy Spirit is not produced by a believer, but by the Holy Spirit
working through a Christian who is in vital union with Christ[17].
This is needed for a believer in his everyday Christian life and in his every
day conduct with others. Marriage is the most wonderful, most needed and tender
relationship on earth. It would be an imperative for a believer to display this
fruit of the Holy Spirit even in the marriage.
Result of Spirit Filled Life and Marriage
The fruit of the Holy
Spirit was the witness of a spirit filled life. The filling power of the Holy
Spirit also results certain things in the believers own life. In marriage, the
power of the Holy Spirit enables husbands and wives to walk in harmony with
each other and together with the bible. Paul stated that there are three
evidences of the fullness of the spirit in the life of the believer: he is joyful
(5: 19), thankful (v. 20) and submissive (vv. 21-23)[18].
Paul said nothing about miracles or tongues, or other special manifestations in
the marriage and Christian life. He stated that marriage and home can be a
heaven on earth if each family member is controlled by the spirit, and is
joyful, thankful and submissive.
Joyful
Life and Marriage
Joy is one of the fruit
of the spirit (Gal. 5: 22) Christina joy is not a shallow emotion but a deep
experience of adequacy and confidence in spite of the circumstances around. The
Christian can be joyful even in the midst of pain and suffering. The one who is
drunk is controlled by wine but for the believers, who are filled with the
spirit, God controls his or her life, he or she experience a deep joy and is
not afraid to express to the glory of God. This is applicable even in marriage.
In marriage the believer experiences a beautiful joy and self- control that is
really God in control and the spirit of God of in control[19].
A spirit filled believer and a spirit filled marriage is a witness for Christ.
There is song in the believer’s heart and there is song in the marriage. This
comes from God and cold never be sung apart from the spirit power. God gives
songs in the ning (Ps. 42: 8). There would be songs in a spirit filled
marriage, even in the times of difficulties. Christians or husbands and wives
in the marriage enjoy being together and experience a sense of joyful oneness
in the lord. The spirit filled marriage does not need the false stimulants of
the world. All that a marriage needs to be joyful us the spirit of God.
Thankful
Life and Marriage
The place where we are
treated the best and complain the most is home[20].
Said Wiersbe. Marriage counsellors will that taking
each other for granted us one of the chief causes of marital problems. Being
thankful to God for each other is a secret of a happy home, and it is the Holy
Spirit who gives the grace of thankfulness[21].
When talking about a grateful heart, warren W. Wiersbe said
How does a grateful heart promote
harmony in the home? For one thing, the sincerely grateful person realizes that
he is enriched because of others, which is a mark of humility? The person who
thinks the world owes him a living is never thankful for anything. He thinks he
is dong others a favour by permitting them to serve him[22].
The thankful heart is
usually humble; a heart that gladly acknowledges God as the giver of every good
and perfect gift. Paul commanded his readers to be thankful for all things at
all times. This exhortation has proved the need of the spirit of God, because
the commandment could never be obeyed in one’s own strength. One could be
thankful for suffering, disappointments and loss when the commandment of God. Is
kept in mind and by being filled with the Holy spirit Theoare H. Epp said
When a Christian finds himself in a
difficult situation, he should immediately give thanks to the father in the
name of Jesus Christ, by the power of the spirit[23]
By giving thanks one’s
heart could be kept from complaining and fretting. This is the heart of the
marriage. The devil moves into the marriage when complains are found but
thanksgiving in the spirit defeats the devil and glorifies the
lord...thankfulness in marriage, by the power of the spirit is not only to God
but also to each other.
Submissive life and
marriage when one really reverence, fear and worship God, they will be
submitting to one another. This is so vital in the marriage. There are
conflicts because people want to get the upper hand, they want their rights,
they want their own way, want to lead, and they want their opinion to dominate.
So they push their way to the top. John Mac Arthur say about spirit filled submission
life this, but someone who is spirit filled does not fit for the top, he fights
for the bottom[24].All
throughout scripture believers are called upon to submit (1 Cor. 16: 16; 1 Pet.
2: 13; 1 Pet. 5: 5; Heb. 13: 17). Christian should rank themselves under one
another, not over one another. The whole mentality of the Christian life as the
believers relate to each other is one of humility and submissiveness. The whole
mentality of the Christian marriage as the couples relate to each other is one
of humility and submissiveness[25].
Believers
are to be Mutually Submissive to Each Other
In believers
relationships to each other they are to be submissive. This is a general
principle for all believers to follow. In terms of structure and function there
was to be authority and submissions. The principle of authority and submission
is in the church, in the church, in the government, and in the home but that
did not change the fact that believers are to mutually submit to each other.
Apostle Paul was really after that mutual submission in Ephesians 5: 22, 6: 9. Paul
has used family to illustrate the mutual submissiveness. It was in verse 21,
submitting one to another “submitting to one another in the fear of Christ”.
Submission that was described was a mutual submission and not the submission of
one gender to another. Paul’s treatment of marriage has immediately followed
his teaching about mutual submission and the spirit filled life. This had
implied that Paul view marriage as an arena in which mutual submission is live
out[26].
Marriage
and Family Must be Characterized by Mutual Submission
Modern English
translations are consistent in placing an imperative such as “submit” or “be
subject” or “submit yourselves or be subordinate or ‘yield in verse 22 of
Ephesians 5, directing wives to submit to their husbands. However, it comes as
quiet a surprise to discover that there is no such verb in the Greek text. The
reason translators supplied a very such as “submit” in verse 22 is that the
preceding verse had used it –it is only implied from verse 21. Everybody is to
submit to everybody else children must submit to their parents; wives are to
submit to husbands; husbands are to submit their wives.[27]
In verse 25, husbands,
love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
There is no greater act of submission than to die for somebody and that is the
way husbands are to treat their wives. Husbands are to submit to their wives’
not in the sense of abdicating their responsibility of leadership or headship,
but in the sense of getting under her to bear her burdens, to carry her cares,
to meet her needs, and to sacrifice his own desire for what fulfils her needs.
Husband and wives must submit to his master, but a master submits to never
doing to that servant beyond what is right. Every single one of the
relationship in the family illustrates mutual submissiveness. Paul is talking
to the whole church and saying, “We are all to submit to one another” (v. 21).
This is mutuality. This
is not negating the headship responsibility of a husband but is only
recognizing the mutual submissiveness that must occur in a marriage, in a
family, and at every point. This is the basic principle of marriage. And could
not be achieved apart from the power of the Holy Spirit. All have to submit
somewhere which is possible only by being filled with the spirit of God[28].
Word
Filled Life and Marriage
Walking in the spirit
is based on the personal relationship with God which in turn is based on the
word of God. To walk in the control of the spirit one must know the mind of the
spirit. This is not by vision or revelations, but by studying the word of God.
“Let this mind be in you, who was also in Christ Jesus” Philippians 2: 5[29].
One can have Christ mind in themselves by reading and memorizing passages from
the Bible. Godly thoughts, godly emotions and desires come from the mind which
is filled with the word of God. A word filled life and marriage will be godly
and successful[30].
Attitude
of Prayer in Life and Marriage
To learn to walk in the
spirit is to learn to develop a mental attitude of prayer[31].
Said Lollaye. The attitude of prayer is not a formal prayer is not a formal
given at a certain time of the day. It is continuous mental attitude of prayer
as communing with God, as being filled with the spirit. Through regular daily
and continuous prayer the Lord’s admonition for marriage could be fulfilled.
Seeking God through prayer and spending time with His word will help believers
to seek His direction for their lives and marriage. God’s will in the marriage
could be realized through this continuous interpersonal relationship with God[32].
Will
of God in Life and Marriage
It is essential in
marriage to seek to do His will. Marriage out of God’s will compound the
consequences and trials of life. Write speaking about a believer, controlled by
the spirit and seeking God’s will Lottaye said: A spirit controlled believer
does not seek first his own will for his life, but by faith he honestly seek to
do the will of God as He reveals it to him in His word and in prayer[33].
A spirit controlled believer would know that God loves them and their marriage
and He has a wonderful plan in their life and marriage and that in the long run
His way is best. Marriage is also living by faith it is trusting God to keep
His word in one’s own life and marriage[34].
Submission
of the Church
All believers are told
to submit, first to God and them to each other. But what exactly did submission
mean for the wife. It did not mean that a wife can never disagree or have part
in decision making. It did not mean that a wife obeys her husband in the same
way a slave obeys his master or a child obeys his parents. It did not mean that
a woman’s personality is to be repressed or obliterated, having no valid
expression[35].
It is said that probably no other discipline in the Christian faith has been
more maligned than submission. It is found in counselling that the serious problems
in marriage have been the problem of husband-wife role failure usually taking
the form of role reversal which was the problem of the very first marriage. It
is important to understand the proper role of each marriage partner and how to
develop and maintain it in a Christian home. The duty of a wife is nothingless,
nothing different, nothing more than submission[36].
The
Matter of Submission
The Greek word for
“submit” (hupatasso), which was not in the original text of verse 22 in
Ephesians 5 but implied from verse 21 referred to being willing to rank one
under or voluntarily yielding[37].
The submission is from heart. A wife’s hear that is full or rebellion,
resentment or rage and outward submission to the husband do not satisfy God’s
command. Submission begins in the spirit. It is an attitude before it could
ever be an authentic action[38].
Submission is God Ordained
Submission was not a
reference to any kind in inferiority at all, it was simply a God ordained
distinction in function, so that the society could be preserved. In Galatians
3: 28, Paul said equality in Christ transcends social, ethnic and sexual
differences. Male and female were created equal. Submission, then, is an appeal
to one who is equal in personhood to submit to the authority that God has
ordained. If submission to authority is God’s will, then rebellion against such
authority is actually rebellion against God[39].
Genesis 2: 24 and
Genesis 3: 16 did not contradict. An amazing, intimate, inward vitality that
make two one did not violate the function of authority and submission. Paul did
not use the word “obey” Gk. Hupakouo) which means “to answer, to attend, to
obey” (which was used in the passage for children and slaves) for wives. Wife
is not a slave, but wives must over this command of submission[40].
The wife’s submission to husband is unlike another submission. The relationship
between a husband and a wife is much more intimate, more personal, more inward,
and more vital than that.
Submission is in the Best Interest of Person
Submission to authority
hath provided order in society. In the Christian life, submission to each other
provided believers with order us the church. Rebellion had caused problems in
all areas of lives parenting, marriage and work. Submissive attitude had
invited Satan’s presences in the lives and marriage. Lack of submission had
opened to the possibility of sin, which is clear from the very first marriage.
On the other hand submissive spirit had helped to guard against the devils
inroads. Submissive spirit helps protect the marriage from satanic attack, but
also frees to do well. However, submission is not simply out of self-interest
but is yielding to God, the spirit to be filled with Him[41].
Submission is Decision
Submission is not
mindless or childlike obedience without responsibility for one’s action. Since
submission is the attitude with willingness and voluntary, it is a choice and a
decision. There could be three choices. First, one could simply refuse to
submit to anyone, including husbands. Second, one could simply submit outwardly
but with a heart of rebellion. Third, one could submit from the heart in order
to please the lord our God. The wife rebelling against husband is like the
church rebelling against God. But when a Christian wife submits to her husband
it represent the church submitting to Christ. The lord accepts this submission
and reward accordingly. The woman possesses her husband and this was indicted
by the phrase, “your own husbands” which assumed that a wife would absolutely
and willingly responds is submission to her own husband. The women possesses
her husband a man possesses his wife[42].John
Mac Arthur reasoned submission like this,
For the sake of unity and workability,
the woman is to be subject to the headship of her husband; not as a slave, but
as one who is provided for, cared for, and secured by her husband[43].
The parallel passages
of Eph. 5: 22 are discussed below: Colossians 3: 18; wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the lord
The phrase ‘as it is fit’ or literally, “as it is
fitting” was the Greek verb aneko. This verb meant “to be fitting, seemly, and
proper”. In the Septuagint, aneko is used of something that is legally binding.
The submission of the wife to her husband is legally binding it is the accepted
law of human society[44].
1 Peter 3: 1-6; likewise, ye wives, be in subjection
to your own husbands.
The word ‘subjection’
is the Greek word hupotasso which meant “to come under in rank” and is a
function word, not an essence word. It is simply about the function of
leadership and authority in the home. Peter also emphasized the possessiveness
that mitigated the submissive role (....your own husband...). In other words
because the husband is the wife’s possession, there is a natural sense of
responding. Submission is not all men but to the own husband[45].
The principle of submission runs through all of
life. It pertains to relationshipwithin the church, as well as within the home.
The
Manner of Submission
Wives are to submit “as
unto the lord”. This express is also found in Colossians 3:1`8 “wives, submit
yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the lord” this did not mean
hate wives should submit to husbands unquestionly just as if he were god.
Husbandsdonot become lords. But these scripturesmean that a wife should submit
to husband’s leadership as an act of obedience to the lord. Obedience to Christ
is shown by submission to husband.[46]This
also meant the same way that a wife would be subject to her lordGod is the waya
that she should seek to be subject to her husband. In other words it could be
said, “As the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their
own husbands in everything.[47]
The
Motive of Submission
Wives are o submit
“for the husband is the head of the wife” John MacArthur explains this
expression like this
Wives, you are the body and
your husband, is the head. The head
gives orders, the body do not .you say, “But it is degrading”. No it is not! If
a body responds to a head it isn’t degrading; but if a body does not respond to
the head it is spastic. When we see a body that responds to a mind, a well –
coordinated functioning body, the body is honoured as well as the mind. But if
the body does not respond, both are dishonoured.[48]
The submission is
fashioned in is conditions and spirit upon the subjection of the church to
Christian the season this submission of a wife to her husband is he husbands
recognised headship in the original institution of marriage. The head of the
woman is the man (I Cor. 11:3). As Christ also is the head of the church.” The
headship is great doctrine for the church. The man was first formed. “Adam was
first formed, Then eve (I timothy 2:13). The man was not created for the woman,
but the woman for the man (I Cor. 11:9). The woman was first in transgression.
“Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.
(I Tim. 2:1`4). The woman is the “glory of the man “but’ the man is the image
and glory of god” (I Cor. 11:7). The church in her weakness and felt
insufficiency leaned upon Christ. So should a wife in her weakness and
distrustfulness of self-lean upon her husband?[49]
The
Extent of Submission
Wives are to submit o
their husbands in everything but the necessary limitation is that everything
that is acted in the name of Christ. If the husband were laying anything sinful
and purely arbitrary and tyrannical upon wife, the wife would be justified in
resisting Him. Bu if it is within the husband’s rights and what he judges
important, then she should be willing to fall in with his arrangement.[50]
The
Model of Submission
“…even as Christ is
the head of the church; and he is the savoir of the body. Therefore, as the
church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives are to their own husbands in
everything.” He is the saviour of the body referred to Christ. The church is
His body. He is toil what the soul is to the body- the ever present, animating,
controlling spirit. So the grand object of the husband should be to save his
wife as all for the church is under the provision of Christ. In the home, the
husband is the provider, the deliverer, the protector, the saviour. And woman
should be submissive without being the co-bread winners, co-saviour, co-protectors,
co-providers, co-preservers. All a wife needs to do is fall under the
protection, the provision, and the preservation of her husband. That is God
ordained pattern.[51]
The key of submission
is “being filled with the Spirit” A spirit-filled wife can submit to honour
God’s word and God’s pattern for marriage.[52]
Reverence
of the Church for Christ
Disrespect to husband
was not something that originated today. It has been a problem since Eve
sinned. Scripture contains numerous examples of disrespectful wives, for
instance, job’s wife (Job 2:9) and David’s wife, Michal (II Sam. 6:16, 20) and
respectful wives David’s wife, Bathsheba (I Kings 1:31) and Queen Esther
(Esther 5:4). This reverence consists of love and esteem which produce a care
to please and of fear which awakens a caution lest just offence be given. That
the wife thus reverences her husband is the will of God and the law of
relation. Reverence to husband is biblical and the bible gives reasons and
manners to do so.[53]
Person
of Reverence
The wife is to
reverence her own husband. This is not an option for wife but a commandment.
Ephesians 5:33 states “… and the wife see that she reverences her husband.
“(GK.Hee de guneehinaphobeeta ton antra). The original word translated
“reverence” mean “fear” but the context indicates it was to be a ‘reverential
fear’. This respect or reverential fear (Gk. Phobeetai- literally means-respect
for those who command respect) assumes the worthiness of that (definite
article) husband, just as Christ is worthy of the true respect, faith and
confidence of the church.[54]
Position
of Reverence
Husbands have been
given authority over their families by God. The wife is to respect respectfully
to her husband because of his God given position. The scriptures had made it clear
that Christ is the head of the church (Eph. 5:23); the head of everyman is
Christ; and the head of the woman is the man (I Cor. 11:33) God has appointed
positions of authority in the marriage[55]
Love
of Christ for the Church
There is authority for a
husband in a marriage. Husband holds the headship in the marriage. But Bible
did not tell husband to rule their wives, or order their wives or to subject
their wives or to exercise authority over them and dominate them. The Bible has
commanded husbands, to love their wives. Paul set forth husbands a very high
standard: love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church. Paul was
lifting marriage love to the highest level possible, for he saw in the
Corinthian marriage an illustration of the relationship between Christ and the
church. If a husband is submitted to Christ and filled with the spirit and
makes Christ’s love for the church the pattern for loving his wife, the
marriage will regain its original state as it was before fall.
The
Matter of Love
Marriage must be motivated
by an undergirded with love, the kind of love that makes two people long to
live together. Love is the cause for the relationship between Christ and the
church. This should be the foundation of a Christian marriage too. In Ephesians
5:25, Paul used, “Love” is the Greek word agape-the strongest, most intimate,
far reaching, comprehensive, fulfilling term for love. It is the love that is
strong and firm as well as flexible. The love between husband and wife must
kindle and constantly fuel the marriage as is the love between Christ and the
church.[56]
The
Manner of Love
Husbands are to love their
wives “...as Christ also loved the church...” this was about the factors
involved in the kind of love Christ manifested. The standard was infinitely
high. This loving kind talks about the fullness of the capacity of divine love.
Love of a husband for his wife is not of quantity or the extent of quality but
a kind of love... the love that Christ had for the church. [57]
Submitting love
The idea of mutual
submission is at the very heart of any relationship between two people who
share a common allegiance of Jesus Christ. Husbands and wives in Christian
marriage, as being the members of Christ body must submit to each other.[58]Husbands
must love their wives with a submitting love. Jesus loved believers or the
church with a submitting love.[59]
There could be no greater love than to submit oneself. Christ emptied himself
for his church. Husbands should love their wives with this kind of love which
is possible only while walking in spirit.[60]
Underserved love
The love of Christ for the
church was on credible. Christ loved the church even when it was the most
unworthy, Roman 5:8 says, “but God commendeth His love towards us that, while
we were yet sinners (as well as enemies, 10), Christ died for us.” Christ gave
the greatest gift for most unworthy people. There was not a soul on the globe
deserve what Christ did for them. God is not rescuing people who don’t deserve it;
He is recuing people who do not deserve it because it is His nature to love.[61]
“An inferior love gives only to those who earn the right to receive it. But
God’s love is given to those who do not have the right to earn it.”[62]Said
Wiersbe. God’s love or love of Christ was different. God would not careless
what the object is. Of all the things that god should not have love, if it was
a matter of being attractive, it was the world. The world hated God but God
loved the World. It is not the object that defines Christ love; it is his
nature to love.[63]Husbands
are commanded to love their wives even if they do not deserve it.
Sacrificial Love
Husbands are to love their
wives... “As Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” When Jesus
Christ came into the world, He loved the church. Infract, He loved the church
before the foundation of the world in eternity past. Taylor said,
Christ loved the world enough to leave human, to come
to earth to take on a human from, to be spit on and mocked, to be cocooned with
a crown of thorns, to be nailed to a cross, to be abused, and to have a spear
drilled into His side. He loved the church enough to die[64].
When Christ gave up His prerogative
to be equal with God and to be in eternity with God as He knew it throughout
all eternity past, and chose to come to earth in the form of a servant, He was
acting in sacrificial love. This sacrificial love was underserved. This is the
sacrificial love that is to mark the love of a husband for a wife. Husband to
love their wives, they should have sacrificed themselves, crucified themselves
and died to themselves. Stanley said
Men as long as you are in
marriage looking for what you can get out of it, you will never know what it is
to love your wife as Christ loved the church, and you will never give yourself
to her[65].Paul
said in 1 Corinthians 1`3: 5 that’ love does not seek its own’. The whole heart
of the sacrificial love is dying to self.
Purifying
Love
Husbands are to love their
wives with a purifying love. Christ loved His church, so He wanted to cleanse
it and purity it. If a husband loves his wife, her purity should be his goal[66].
Positional Cleansing
When a believers is saved,
the lord Jesus Christ cleansed every single sin he ever committed, were
committing, or would commit. Christ forgave all trespasses (Col. 2: 13b),
cleansed so absolutely (Isa. 1: 18). He remembered no more. The church was
saved and was absolutely purified. When a woman is married to a man she is
purified by being taken out of the world and apart from the part. Whatever
relationships or indulgence she may have had before marriage or whatever others
things she may had done before marriage, sets the woman apart unto the man and
purifies her. Husband is the purifies in the marriage[67].
Progressive Cleansing
In Christ there are
positional cleanings and a continuous daily cleaning. Christ has washed away
all the sings of the church yet he keeps cleansing the church from its sin (1
John 1: 9). In marriage, it is husband’s responsibility to apply to his wife
every purifying influence that will make her holy. Everything that a husband
does must seek the purity of his wife[68].
In Ephesians 5: 2, Christ wanted His church to be holy and without blemish.
Paul says that the lord wants to present to Himself “a glorious church (Gk.
Endoxon=an instense splendidness), not having spot (Gk. Spilon =stain or
wrinkle) or wrinkle (Gk. Rhutida= flaw) or any such thing; but that it should be
holy and without blemish[69].
This is how husbands are to deal with their wives. Any interference with this
God given arrangement is sin. The husband is not “use” his wife for his own
pleasure, but rather is to show the kind of love that is mutually regarding and
sanctifying. A husband’s love for his wife must purify, sanctify and lift her
to God, in the marriage. In marriage, the wrinkles are caused by decay on
inside and spots are caused by defilement on the outside. The husband’s purifying
love must present wife’s illicit thought or relationship outside the marriage.
The husband must fulfil his love her so that she is purified and sanctified[70].
Caring Love
Husband ought to love their
wives as their own bodies husbands ought to care for their wives as their own
bodies. A wife is a husband’s own flesh. So all of his wife’s need must be met,
all of her needs must be cared for. The lord Jesus cares for the church. He
takes care of everything the church need. In Philippians 4: 19 Pauls say, “But
my God shall supply all your according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus”.
It is ‘all’ the need. Christ meets all the needs of the church. Christ gives
love, joy, peace, wisdom and everything else that the church needs. Men are to
give their wives every single thing she needs. The man is the provider, and the
preserver as Christ is to the church[71].
In Ephesians 5:29 “... but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the
Lord the church.” The word ‘nourisheth’ is a Greek word ektreptio, which means
to ‘nourished, to feed”. Primarily, it is used in reference to nurturing or
bringing up children simply means “to mature”. Husbands are called to bring
their wives, and to feed their needs. The Greek word also gives the biblical
principal that a husband should be the provider, or the bread winner. Christprovides
the Church so should a husband to his wife. The word “cherisheth” literally
means, “to soften or warm with body heat”. This word is used to describe a
mother bird’s ad she sits on her nest (Deut. 22:6). Husbands are too literally provided
a secure, warm, soft place as a provision for their wives as Christ is to his church.
This is God’s design for marriage provided in Genesis 3.[72]
Husbands have to care for
their wives for they are members of one body, Christ’s Body, of His flesh and
of His bones. Christcares for the church; Christ meets every need of the
church. Christ is so wonderful caring for the church. He went through death to
provide for the church. It is because church is His body. Everyone in the
church is the members of His body. They are of His flesh and of His bone. A
husband and a wife are one with Christ and are in Christ. They joined unto the
lord and so they are one spirit (I Cor. 6:17). Christ lives in them (Gal.
2:20); they were baptized by one spirit into one body (I Cor. 12:13). A wife is
one with her husband, so a husband has to meet her needs and this is like
meeting his own needs.[73]
The Unbreakable Love
“For this cause shall
a man leave his father and mother, and shall be join unto his wife, and they
two shall be one flesh.” This is a direct quote from Genesis 2:24 and now it is
in Ephesians 5:31. This is the kind of love, the unbreakable love, Christ had
for His church. Romans 8:35-39 talks about the unbreakable love between Christ
and his church. Nothing shall separate the church from the love of God, which
is in Christ Jesus the lord. Church is the own body of Christ. It is His flesh.
This is the kind of love with which the husbands are to love their wives. This
simply shows the closeness of the relation between man and woman. It is in such
as in a sense to supersede all other relationships in the wonderful at the same
time the parallel truth about the closeness of the relation between Christ and
the church.[74]
Cause
of the Unbreakable Love
For this reason (anti
toutou) is not a preface to the question but part of it. Marriage is
unbreakable because the love between Christ and the church is unbreakable. This
is the cause. The church is Christ own body, of His own flesh and of His own
bone. The husband and wife are one in that body of Christ. They are one with
Christ. As church is the body of Christ, wife is the own body and own flesh and
bones of her husband. Christ and his church are indivisible and that is the
cause that a husband and wife cannot be apart. The wife is the husband’s other
self. She is the glory of man. The symbol of Christ and church in marriage is
the glory of the marriage. Adam recognized that eve was part of himself, bone
and flesh of his flesh as church to Christ. This is the reason for the
unbreakable love.[75]
Limitation
in the Unbreakable Love
Husbands are to leave their
father and mother. The Greek word leipo meant “to leave”. But the word used in
this verse is an intensified form, kataleipo, and mean “to really leave, to
abandon completely.” Christ left the fathers bosom to woo to himself the church
act of a lost world. The marriage tie takes precedence over every other human
relationship and for this reason is to be regarded as inviolable. That is the
divine rule for marriage. The husband should really have a sacrificial love in
order to have an unbreakable love. He should really leave his family to join
his wife as Christ did for the church.[76]
Cleaving
in the Unbreakable Love
Husband is to join their
wives with an unbreakable love. The Greek word used here is prokollao, which
was an intensification of the used of the word Kollao, which means “to connect
up”. Proskollao means “to glue something together”. The idea is that husbands
are to leave, and then are to something together. The new relationship his
wife. He must be so glued together to make one flesh. This is being one flesh
in everything with his wife, which is absolutely unbreakable because God
designed marriage to be the most intimate of all human relationships. Husbands
and wives must share live in everything to become one. This intimacy in the
unbreakable love encompassed all of life.[77]
Husbands
and Wives Must be One Flesh Intellectually
It is the freedom and
comfort to share the thoughts, ideas and viewpoints with each other knowing
that they will be heard and valued. It could mean anything from sharing insight
gained from reading a book or reflection on the daily world news or an issue
that came u at work. Intellectual intimacy is the sense of big included into
the other person’s world. This is the understanding of the whole being of
person. This is what was done by Christ. Christ knows about His church in and
out. This is an essential intimacy between husbands and wives in the marriage.[78]
Husbands
and Wives Must be One Flesh Socially
Christ along with His church interacts with the world. This is social
intimacy. Husband and wife must experience social interaction with other
together which enhances growth in the marriage.[79]
Husbands
and Wives Must be One Flesh Emotionally
Couples share their
feelings, as an emotional response. This may include love, reverence,
appreciation and all the emotions that are there between Christ and the church.
This is a vital intimacy in the marriage.[80]
Husbands
and wives must be one flesh spiritually
Spiritual growth is
differentiated from spiritual intimacy, spiritual growth is personal but
spiritual intimacy is said to be the sense of closeness that comes when husband
and wife share with each other something of their own spiritual growth.
Spiritual intimacy does not require the both husband and wife be at the same
level spiritual growth. But this is so necessary in the marriage as the
spiritual intimacy between Christ and the church is so much needed.[81]
Husbands
and Wives Must be One Flesh Physically
This is sexual intimacy in
the marriage. The one flesh primarily means the sexual union between husband
and wife. God is the author of sex; therefore sex is good. But Satan is the
distorter. Sex outside the marriage is sin. But in the marriage it is God designed
union between husband and wife. The Bible declares “Marriage is Honourable in
all, and the bed is undefiled...” (Heb. 13:4). The word translated bed is the
Greek word kaite, from which the word coitus or sexual intercourse originated.
Marriage is an honourable relationship, and sex within marriage is God
ordained. Adultery and fornication (sex outside of marriage) is always
condemned.[82]Bible
appreciates the sex between husband and wife in marriage “...present you as a
chaste virgin to Christ”. (II Cor. 11:2). Church must present itself as a
virgin to Christ. In I Corinthians 6: 15-20, the church’s relationship of
oneness of a sexually intimate couple. The sexual intimacy between husband and
wife in marriage mirrors the relationship between Christ and church.[83]
Husbands
and Wives Must Be One Flesh till Deaths do Part Them.
Husbands are to love their
wives the way Christ loves the church. Christ loves His church so much. And
even though the church is unfaithful and sinful, he never puts the church away.
He just keeps on, and keeps on forgiving her (I John 1:9). The bond of marriage
can be broken only by death (Romans 7:2). God always hates divorce. God told
Hosea, the prophet to marry a woman who was a prostitute. Then he told him to
just keep forgiving her for her continued prostitutions. God forgave Israel’s
adultery. God love His people in spite of their unfaithfulness Christian
marriage should be marked with this kind of unbreakable love that Christ has
for His Church.[84]
The
Motive of Love
It is important for a
husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church. This principle is vital in
marriage because the marriage is to be Christ relationship to His church. This
certainly makes marriage a serious matter. The root of all marriage problems is
selfishness and this love, the fruit of the spirit is the opposite of that and
solves the selfishness problem. As husbands and wives walk in the spirit, they
share this love of Christ in their marriage. Marriage as the picture of Christ’s
relationship to the church was a mystery, never known in the past, but now
revealed. By marriage, a husband and a wife can either be a symbol or a denial
of Christ and His church.[85]
The
Model of Love
“Husbands, loves your
wives, even as Christ also loved the church...” The love of a husband for his
wife should be marked with the love of Christ for His church. The love of
husband must be showed toothier wives as the love of Christ was revealed to His
church. The love of wife as Christ love the church, the marriage should see the
way God sees it. Wife should be seen as Christ sees the church; she should value
highly and be honoured as Christ does with the church. As being filled with the
spirit the husband will be able to love his wife as Christ loved the church.[86]
The character of bibles
vision of marriage is amazing. To have a meaningful and fulfilled marriage and
family the way God designed it, one must first be a believer and also should
possess the spirit of God, and another to be filled by Him. A carnal believer
will have improper relationship with his family because of the improper
relationship between God and himself. Bible has given set of marriage
principles to be followed but following these principles will become impossible
when husbands and wives in the marriage are not controlled by the spirit of
God. Marriage relationships deepen with God. Intimate relationship with God
brings an ideal relationship in marriage. Praying, reading God’s word and
understanding the will of God in life and marriage, brings spiritual intimacy
between husbands and wives and improved relationship within marriage. Allowing
the spirit of God to work in marriage brings God ordained pattern in marriage.
Submission and love fills the marriage, as a result of spirit controlled
marriage.
[1]Dr. Homer G. Lindsay, Jr, How to have a happy Home.(Florida: First
Baptist Church, 2006), p, 38.
[2]Lara Packer, Women Making a Difference in Marriage: Christ Controlled Emotions (Tennessee:
Life Way Press, 2001), 115.
[3]Stormie Omartian, Praying through the deeper Issues of
Marriage, (Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 2001), 141
[4]Beverly La Haye, The Spirit Controlled Women: The Secret of Spirit Controlled Women,
(Oregon: Harvest House Publishers, 1995), 265.
[5]Roy B. Zuck, ed., The Bible Knowledge Commentary: New Testament, (Colorado: Victor, 1983),
608.
[6]Ibid.
[7]Ibid.
[8] Ibid.
[9] Beverly La Haye, The spirit Controlled Women, 265.
[10] Roy B. Zuck, ed., The Bible Knowledge Commentary: New Testament, 608.
[11]Ibid.
[12] Ibid.
[13] Kent Barbara Hughes, Disciples of a Godly Family, (Illinois:
Crossway Books, 1995), 87.
[14] Roy B. Zuck, ed., The Bible Knowledge Commentary: New Testament, 608.
[15] Ibid.
[16] Ibid.
[17] Beverly La Haye, The spirit Controlled Women, 264.
[18] Max Warren, The Holy Spirit and Spiritual Gifts, (Massachusetts: Hendrickson
Publishers, 1996), 12.
[19] Rick Warren, God’s power to change Your Life: The Choice
to Rejoice, (Michigan: Zondervan, 1998), 78.
[20] Warren W. Wiersbe, Be rich: Heaven in Your Home, (Illinois: Victor Books, 1976), 139
[21] Evelyn R. Peterson, J. Allan
Peterson, For women Only (Illinois:
Tyndale House Publishers, 1982), 215.
[22] Warren W. Wiersbe, Be rich: Heaven in Your Home, 140.
[23] Theodore H. Epp, Living Abundantly, (Nebraska: Back to
the Bible Broadcast, 1973), 89.
[24] John Mac Arthur, Jr. Family feuding: How to End it, (California: Word of Grace Communications, 1981), 3.
[25] Andy Bustanoby, Can Men and Women BE Just Friends,
(Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 2001), 119.
[26] Paul Borthwick, How to Be a World Class Christian,
(Hyderabad: Authentic Books, 2000), 45.
[27] John Mac Arthur, Jr. Family feuding: How to End it, 13.
[28] Robert Lewis, Building Team Work in Your Marriage,
(Arkansas: Family Life [Gospel Light] 1986), 64-66.
[29] Larry Kreider, Authentic Spiritaul Mentoring,
(California: Regal 1984), 30-32.
[30]Ibid.42.
[31] Beverly La Haye, The spirit Controlled Women, 272.
[32]Elizabeth George, Women After
God’s Own Heart: The pursuit of God,
(Oregon: Harvest house Publishers, 1997), 43.
[33] Beverly La Haye, The spirit Controlled Women, 273.
[34]Dr. Jack Hyles, Women the Completer: The candle of the Lord, (Indiana:
Hyles-Anderson Publishers, 1981), 61-63.
[35]Drs. Thomas and Maureen Anderson,
A marriage Beyond the Dream,
(Oklahoma: Harrison House, 2010), 78.
[36] J. N. Manokaran, Christ and Families: Strong Families For Global Transformation,
(India: Centre For Contemporary Christianity, 2011), 33.
[37] John Mac Arthur, Jr. Family feuding: How to End it, 13.
[38]Drs. Thomas and Maureen Anderson,
A marriage Beyond the Dream, 78.
[39] Maxine Hancock, Love, Honour-and Be Free, (Chicago:
Moody Press, 1975), 17.
[40] Andy Bustanoby, Can Men and Women Be Just Friends,
(Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1985), 115.
[41] Diane Hampton, One Heart, One Flesh, One Love, (Panama:
Whitaker House, 1985), 62.
[42] Elizabeth Goerge, Life Management for Busy Women, (Oregon:
Harvest House, 2002), 90.
[43] John Mac Arthur, Jr. Family feuding: How to End it, 13.
[44] Ibid.14
[45]Bawrence O. Richards, Our Life Together, (Michigan:
Zondervan Publishing House, 1981), 115.
[46] Watch Man Nee, The Glorious Church, (California: Living
Stream Ministry, 1996), 46.
[47] Derek Prince, The marriage Covenant, (New Zealand:
Derek Prince Ministries, 1960), 108.
[48] John Mac Arthur, Jr. Family feuding: How to End it, 24.
[49]Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, Women Men and the Bible, (Nashville:
Abingdon, 1977), 95.
[50]Charles
Hodge, Thornapple Commentaries: A Commentary On The Epistle to the Ephesians,
(Michigan: Baker Book house, 1856), 312-315.
[51]Barbara
Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Woman,
(Illinois: Crossway Books, 2001), 145-147.
[52]Ibid.149.
[54]Douglas
B. Mac Corkte, God’s Special Secret: Church as the Bride of Christ, (Florida:
Mac Corkte Bible Ministries, 1993), 204.
[55]Martha
Peace, The Excellent Wife: Respect, 109
[56] W. E. Vine, An Expository Dictionary of the New Testament Words: Love, (New Jersey: Fleming H. Revell
Company, 1966), 20.
[58] James I. Fehl, Standard Lesson Commentary: Relationships within the Family, (Ohio:
Standard Publishing, 1971), 265.
[59] Howard Dayton, Money and Marriage God’s Way, (Chicago:
Moody Publishers, 2009), 33.
[60] James I. Fehl, Standard Lesson Commentary: Relationships within the Family, 266.
[61] James P. Gills, Love: Fulfilling the ultimate Quest, (Florida:
Creation House Press, 1977), 26.
[62] Warren W. Wiersbe, Be rich: Heaven in Your Home, 144.
[63]Ibid. 145.
[64] Mitchell G. Taylor, Unbroken Promises, (Panama: Whitaker
House, 2003), 92.
[65]. Dr.Mrs.Lilian Stanley, Jolly Family, (India: Blessing Youth
Mission Babujii printer, 1997), 26.
[66] John R Rice, The Home: Courtship,Marriage and Children, (Tennessee: Sword of the Lord
Publishers, 1946), 97.
[67] John R Rice, The Home: Courtship,Marriage and Children, 339.
[68]Ibid. 342.
[70]
Jay E. Adams, Christain Living in
the Home, (New Jersey: Presbyterian and Reformed Publishing Company, 1972),
99.
[71]Ibid. 101.
[72] John Mac Arthur, Jr. Family feuding: How to End it, 57.
[73] Joseph S. Exell, The Pulpit Commentary: Ephesians, (Virginia: Mac Donald
Publishing Company, 1983), 214-217.
[74] Joseph S. Exell, The Pulpit Commentary: Ephesians, 214-217.
[75]Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, Women Men and the Bible, 109.
[76] Frank E. Gaebelein, The Expositors Bible Commentary: Ephesians, 78.
[77] Ibid.
[78]Ibid. 79.
[79] Gary Chapman, Covenant Marriage, (Tennessee: Broadman
and Holman Publishers, 2003), 170-178.
[80] Larry R. Morris, Making a marriage, (Kansas: Beacon Hill
Press, 2007), 107.
[81] Gary Chapman, Covenant Marriage, 161-169.
[82] Gary Chapman, Covenant Marriage, 195-196.
[83]Ibid. 176.
[84] Lara Packer, Women Making a Difference in Marriage,
144.
[85] Loraine Boettner, Divorce, (California: San Francisco
Baptist Theological Seminary, 1970), 11-18.
[86]Dr.Mrs.Lilian Stanley, Wing for Women:The mother-in-laws Son,
(India: Bapujii printers, 1995), 32.
CHAPTER 1 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE FACTORS THAT MAKE SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SO DIFFICULT
CHAPTER 2 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE ENGAGEMENT
CHAPTER 3 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPERIENCE
CHAPTER 4 - AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPECTATION
CHAPTER 1 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF THE FACTORS THAT MAKE SUCCESSFUL CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SO DIFFICULT
CHAPTER 2 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE ENGAGEMENT
CHAPTER 3 -AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPERIENCE
CHAPTER 4 - AN UNDERSTANDING OF CHRIST AND THE CHURCH IN THE MARITAL EXPECTATION
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